back at it again with the once a year blog post!

ooooooooooo wweeeee!!

hi!!

(if it were a vlog I was running, you'd be able to see exactly how I said that just now, and the head/hair flip too... bummer dudettes, yer missin out!)

how the heck are ya, party people!?

how's life treating you?

(I genuinely want to know, please tell me? let's catch up.)
(ps friends, that's your not-so-personal invite to CALL ME FIRST ONCE IN A WHILE OKAY! thankyouiloveyouall deeply)

I, myself, am overall fantastic!

depends on the hour, really, but mostly quite fantastic. 

but just to keep it extra real, if it's an hour of non-fantastico-ness, it's then usually filled with feelings of deep, dark depression that snuck right up on me in the middle of me minding my own damn business...usually with some anxiety and loneliness mixed in there (this place is large and having friends all over means no friends here (yet)),...and/or some good 'ol drunkenness feels...'cause let's be real - heyyyoo! but fantastic seems to always be close behind, phew!

it seems I've stepped into a weird, happy little dream by moving to California and my feelings on it are so back and forth, I can't even keep up with my own bad self, let alone keep anyone else updated.  

*oh hey there, old blog friend*

**oh yeah, I moved to California!** 

(like 2 ish months ago.)

(lolz i guess you don't look at my instagram, #areweevenfriendsanymore #gosh)

so here I am, writing to you, to me, to whoever - from my new kitchen table (it's not mine), drinking some delish red wine from my going away party (wine glass isn't mine either), eating some thai food (if you know anything about me, it's that tofu=bae), responding to a friendly request of 

"HEATHER I NEED YOU TO BLOG AGAIN!" 

my friends get me more than they even know. 

I've been wanting to write more. 

share.

talk. 

speak my truthssss in the wordy way.

express something on what this mid-20s goodness/confusion/overwhelm -ness is like for lil ol me. 

'cause I know all too well that I'm not alone in any of this, despite how easy it is to think so.
it appears that we as humans are great at isolating, taking things personally, overanalyzing...thinking we're extra extra special sauce, unlike anyone else in the way that we think, feel, dress or act. when while that may be all fine and dandy, there's a whole lot of things we don't have to experience or do alone and is probably best if we just don't! 
that's the kind of stuff I want to talk about. 

On top of that goodness, I want to share about the daily happenings, the books I'm (hardly) reading, the feels of newness/transition/pain/love/pure bliss/loss/worthiness, the random journal entries (y'all liked those it seemed!). share on the forever happening battle of self-discovery that I've found myself in - "more self-discovery for one, please!....oh wait, not right now...lemme handle this other big, super painful thing first"

bad news is...

~one year later...~

I have not yet found the words.

the good news is...

I'm trying. 

and it feels that they are coming. 

hard to say, as it seems I have no control - my favorite sentences come spewing out of me in a "I have to pull over and write this down NOW" type of way - but I get to keep trying. 
so here we are back at square one.

such a familiar little square isn't it, square one?  
lovely.

all to just say...hello. (it's me...)
(I'm in California dreaming about who we used to beee...)

jkjk

 I'm happy to be here, and I hope you are too!