filling my days with good coffee and even better music. self-care done right heyyy. ;)
I've been reading a lot more lately than I probably ever have in my entire 22 years of life. The books I randomly chose off of my book list turned out to be far from random and it really feels like they actually came floating into my lap as a gift from the universe while I was sleeping. They have been just what I needed to hear in this time of my life and during this transition. I am again amazed at how things keep falling perfectly into place - I have this realization about 672 times a day and it continues to awe me to the core every. single. time.
I have yet to finish either of these books, but that is not about to stop me from recommending them. Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed and Contents May Have Shifted by Pam Houston.
so so good. I personally am way into 'self-help' books. I hate the negative connotation that the genre has, but I think we should all continuously be working on ourselves and trying to be the best version's of us we can be. So far these two books have been beyond helpful in that regard. I've taken little blurbs from each book so far and they have sat with me and been repeated over and over in my head. I'm also starting to get a little mad at myself for not being interested in reading earlier in life - but hey, better late than never right?
I read this quote a few days ago in one of the two books:
"unexpected things still happen, even when everything is mapped out."
I've known this, I've experienced this before, yet I find so much more truth in it now than ever before.
I had my life planned out, every detail that could be planned, was. When the 'big life events' would occur, how old I'd be, what my life would most likely look like. But, I had no idea this completely out of the blue, unexpected life event was going to happen to me. not me! I was one of the lucky ones, finished searching for my "fish-in-the-sea" early on, I got to avoid the whole dating assholes and weirdo's thing wahoooo!
I was planning on getting my Master's next May and then starting on the life we had set out for us. Traveling everywhere possible, followed by a beautiful, small and simple wedding, wearing that one type of ring I fell in love with that one night we were looking, having two children because no way in hell we'd put our child through the loneliness of not having siblings our age like we had to go through. The type of parents we would be together, the kind of house we were going to live in, and more and more and then some - every little detail of that plan is gone and has evaporated now. I'm tearing up at the thought of that, because that life probably would have been so good. but the unexpected happened. even though it was all mapped out.
and now, from here, I just have to make a new map. And instead of covering my walls and filling my life with this map, I'm going to just add to it little by little. and consistently change it and maybe sometimes throw it all away and start over with a new map.
because I can.
It's my map and only mine. And that thought...that reality - - feels so refreshing and so exciting to the point that I could scream (I've honestly considered finding a roof to stand on and screaming, wondering if that would solve my overwhelming happiness feelings). This past week I've been dancing in my car more than I ever have, been smiling and experiencing happiness at a completely different level than I've seen/felt before. I feel like I could explode, having found this new independence and freedom. It's sooo weird to me, what a different and smaller, less-full map feels like. I've been 'crying' for such different reasons now, because I can't take the amount of happy built up inside of me, that actual tears of joy must be released. Please someone PLEASE tell me they've felt this too?! Is this just what pure joy and loving life feels like? Don't tell me it's temporary! haha I also wouldn't be surprised if I'm going crazy, maybe that's just the next stop on my map. ;)
Not even sure what this post turned into or how it got here. It started off with me posting pictures of my sweet smooshabelle, because she is temporarily being babysat for the next month or two while I move around and I miss her dearly. But instead, this! You will have to just wait to see pictures of her, apparently. :) I guess I'm just happy to find some acceptance in this new life plan of mine and needed to share that.
See what best friend visits do?
So grateful for this life. and for all of you.
thankyouthankyou.
